Scrub

It’s four thirty, and the weak Duluth sun is already receding, it’s meager fall lifespan, exaggerated by the valley we sit in. I have spent the entire day preparing for this party. It is October 31^st, Halloween.

            I haven’t been outside much today except for frantic bike trips to the supermarket, most of the day has been spent inside doing the house work that I haven’t even considered doing since I moved in. I live alone in a giant three-bedroom apartment, it’s actually probably pretty small but it’s hard to notice that, when you have only a few possessions.  The mess I make in each different room is a testament to something or another, and I’m outwardly proud of; the art mess, the stencil mess, and even the habitation mess to a lesser extent, because each thing reaffirms that I am here, and doing things!

            All and all I do enjoy housework. Mopping a dirty floor fills me with a strange sense of pride and I never feel better with a collection of clean dishes and pans, in fact I think if I owned a vacuum cleaner I might fall catatonic to my freshly vacuumed floor, due to excess joy. As I looked over my kitchen, I wondered why I don’t always just keep it this clean. This is easily the most functional kitchen I’ve ever had, why have I been refusing to keep it up? This is my dream kitchen. It’s a bold statement, and really if imagination permitted, there would be: new linoleum, a set of sushi knives and mat, and food in the cupboards, discrete respectful mice. There would not be: a mystery carpeted cabinet. But this really is a short list compared to other ones I might have to write, mostly the fact that it isn’t a kitchen shared with slackers is deeply rewarding, and even when it’s messy it’s not that messy, or maybe more accurately, it’s my mess.

            But that said, there are some unfortunate side effects of living alone, the bouts of pride and carelessness, and all around solitary joy can easily give way to, mild unfocussed anxiety, and a certain needfulness of people that I’m unaccustomed to.

            But today people will be here, actually people, in large quantities!  But this guy, needs a nap.